This is a big lesson I’ve learned over the years. We tend to be bland when it comes to marriage. The union is approached with cookie cutter vision. We mold our marriage to be what our families think they should be or society indicates. That is not how it should be. We need to create our own marriage idea. That means thinking outside the box and making your marriage fit the two of you.
Your marriage doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s. It can be completely unique. There is nothing wrong with that. It’s a new era. Why not have a new view of marriage?
Let me give you an example of this. My family’s view of marriage was a woman who did her womanly duties and the man who did his. Rarely, if ever, did they cross. The result was a wife who felt like a slave most of the time and a marriage that was far from a partnership in an era where two had to work together. Communication was practically non-existent.
My husband’s parents divorced when he was a baby. It was his grandparents whose marriage he used as a guide. On top of these examples, we have our parents, aunts and uncles, and siblings tellings us how our marriage should be.
We couldn’t be ourselves. We had to be how everyone else viewed us as a married couple. It was many years before we put a stop to that and be ourselves in the marriage. We were trying too hard to be like everyone else. That caused quite a few issues in our early years of marriage.
You shouldn’t toss other examples of marriage out the window. They are great to learn from — what to do and what not to do. I learned from my parents on how to work as a team as they did not do that, but I also learned from them on how to be faithful and loving.
Watch other marriages. Read about them. Test what worked for others. Just don’t let others dictate your relationship with your spouse. This is a very special bond that needs to be unique to you.
Unique Quality Time
My husband has always stressed that couples need to continue dating long after they are married. That means quality time without kids or in-laws or even friends. You need that alone time to keep that bond between you tight.
This can be watching a show together, going out to eat, a picnic, or a boatride. Get creative here. Think outside your norm so these can be memorable experiences. Never been hiking? Do that together. Take a dance class or a painting class. Do something creative together.